suddenlybees | || IC INBOX

[...Yeah, he probably wouldn't be taking himself too seriously right now, either, if he weren't...him.

Instead of thinking about all that, let's brighten up!! Sword swallowing, huh?]

I read about this sailor guy that swallowed a bunch of knives? Like all the knives aboard the ship. He just kept fucking do it, but then he still lived ten years.

[...it's iffy if Kano remembers hearing this already or not, but it was definitely part of a book read to a certain black cat.]

It's the kind of stupid I expect from you, honestly.

[ I can't believe I edited the tag and still didn't get it right. ]

I bet I can swallow a bunch of knives and still live~ How 'bout it? Come on, let's try~ Let me borrow your knife~!

[ Honestly he probably started zoning out the moment Maverick started talking about things up people's asses, but now he gets to learn it a second time. This knife guy is now his idol. ]

[rip]

No. Not just because I fucking promised I'd try to not get you killed, but because I don't want a shitknife, either. For the record, he died a slow and painful death.

Shit can be washed off knives!! Was he even able to shit them out, or were they all stuck in there stabbing him from the inside? How'd he die?

You're not getting my knife, stupid. But yeah, most of 'em, at first. Three outta four his first go. Got harder when he swallowed over thirty.

[DON'T SWALLOW A BUNCH OF KNIVES IT'S BAD]

That's the one that killed him, and even that took years. When they opened him up, everything looked all rusty, his colon got stabbed, his stomach fucking changed shape I guess? It had so many fucking knives in it. Wound up wasting away, his insides got fucked up so bad.

What I'm learning here is that as long as I limit myself to thirty knives, I'll be alright.

[ Sometimes, you just gotta smuggle knives places. But it's not much of a difference to him now that he's got his magic bag of too many things to actually find anything he needs from it, and he looks around the junkyard, satisfied with what he's got out of it. ]

...What's the present for, anyways? If it's just wanting to play, you don't have to go out of your way to take me places?

You're a danger to yourself and those around you.

[don't swallow knives!!!! Mav just wanted to share the cool facts about the weird dumb sailor, not encourage dumbass decisions...]

Hm? [...?] I mean, if I were you, I'd be bummed about fireball getting transferred, and want some new shit to do, but I guess I'm not you.

Huh~ Don't I look bummed?

[ He hopes not, because that's not how he wanted people to see him. "Bummed" as he is about Ellie leaving, he's insistent on dealing with it his own way, by himself. What good is him being bummed about it, anyways? when Ellie must be taking it a lot harder than he is, so what he really wants to do is make sure she feels that as little as possible. ]

I'm texting her lots, so she'll have no choice in forgetting about me~ You should too! I bet she'd be real happy to hear from you too~!

More the "new shit to do" part, dumbass.

[Hence the junkyard. But like...yeah, this attitude isn't helping any future defense Kano might mount against Mav thinking he's horrifically maladjusted from abuse, trauma, and depression.]

Uh, yeah, I don't think so? Pretty sure she fucking wants to see me dead. And spit on my corpse.

[Fireball's silly like that.]

Haha, what'd you do to her?

[ Surely it can't be as bad as dangling her out the window by the ankle? Hating people, yeah, Ellie has the capacity to hate with the force of a thousand suns, but it's not something Kano can relate much to- a hatred that's directed outwards, anyways- so it's a point of interest to him: why do people get mad, and how to exploit it. ]

But you know, Ellie calling you a motherfucker or chickenshit or whatever, those are endearing terms. Isn't it the same for you?

[ Dumbass, asshole, that sort of thing Mav does too, like he's allergic to using people's given names. ]

I called her halfpint and didn’t fucking bust her for jacking my phone.

[??????? Like, he did it in a Maverick way, but still]

I dunno, she fucking seemed mad for real, but I sure as hell don’t know her like you do, so whatever. Could just be her being young.

You should've busted her. Isn't she just mad 'cause you didn't play with her?

[ Beat each other senseless, somebody loses a tooth, and everybody's happier for it. When it comes to Ellie, at least, Kano is keenly aware that the very worst thing anybody can do to her is ignore her, so if Maverick was playing nice just because she's younger, that's a very good reason why Ellie would've gotten upset. ]

How the hell should I fucking know? [Anyway...] I'm eighteen, I can't just mess around with a kid however 'cuz I feel like it. I get in trouble for enough shit already.

Uh. Yeah you can, you can mess with her as much as you want. Who's she supposed to tell on you to, anyways? Me???

[ He can't do jack shit. Imelda, maybe, Minako, definitely, but the point of it is that she doesn't have anybody to go crying to and that's just how they all grew up. ]

Fun doesn't stop when you hit eighteen, anyways!! You don't just stop playing around 'cause you're too old, that's too sad, don't be like that!

If I were scared of you, cricket, I wouldn't fucking teach you how to break tempered glass easy at spitting.

[There is a certain level of terror...but it's definitely not about Kano being a big bro type.]

Just gotta weigh the likelihood of getting arrested or not, kiddo.

[ Kano would be the worst big brother... he tries, but in such a roundabout way, he might as well not try and leave it to actual caretaker-type people, like Maverick and his teaching Kano how to be a criminal. ]

Hm~ I don't think she'd do that~ I won't call the police on you either? So it's alright if you're mean to me.

[Again...not too fucking concerned about Kano...]

Mean more like it's kinda fucking sketchy for an adult to be beating up or tailing a kid her age, and there are assholes that actually keep an eye out for shit around here, but what the fuck ever. Just means I'm more likely to babysit the two of you than just her.

[ He has to stare at Maverick for a moment. ]

Heh... You aren't exactly the picture of adulthood, so sometimes I forget. [ that he's an old fogey ]

But I don't need babysitting~ I'm old enough to take care of myself, right? I've somehow managed to survive as long as I have, haven't I? It's not like I eat things off the ground and stick forks into outlets! Have some faith in me, Mav!

[gosh kano, is he a baby or a grandpa!!!! pick one]

I feel like you definitely eat things off the ground, or at least pick it up and save it for when you forget it was on the ground.

[ ......... that's probably true, he's eaten ground jerky before. ]

Okay, but if something wasn't on the ground for the past two days, it resets itself and is fine to eat again.

[mmmmmmm]

Level with me, do you ever get sick? Just how fucking unfair is life?

Haha, of course I get sick~ What's the usual rate? A cold every other year? Or something like that~ Isn't that what they say, though? Idiots don't catch colds~

[ Not very often and never very badly, which is a plus in his favor considering he probably had an anti-vaxxer mother, who wouldn't bring him to a hospital or clinic if it meant other people could see the cuts and bruises all over his body when he was little. Eating weird things aside, he made sure not to get sick for that express reason of never needing to go to a hospital, and even after daemon contracts happened, the habit of taking care of himself stuck in that manner. ]

Ugh, is that fucking a thing? No wonder...

[Come to think of it, his healthiest years were the ones he was riding with his last friend group, hitting things (property things, not junkyard things) with bats.]

Well, as long as some of the fucking laws of the universe apply to you, I guess I'm good with that.

Gravity still has a hold on me, last I checked, but I'm working on something to counter that~ Death will probably be pretty soon, but— ah, there's taxes, right? I won't ever pay taxes!

[ Even if he manages to get a job, he'll resort to tax evasion. Toki's promised to bail him for everything outside of murder, after all, so he isn't afraid. ]

[WORRYING...little antigravity space crickets. gross.]

Yeah, yeah. Not fucking surprised. [He taps his bat against his toes before looking around.] Got some good shots. Anything else you wanna do?

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