Nope, no room! Only in specially designated hours of eight at night to six in the morning, sleepover hours~ You'll have to bring your own snacks, though! And something leafy green for Nightmare.
[ Kano accepts the mint and sticks it in his pocket-- which is another reason why Yuya can't just take it and wash it, he's not really sure he should unsew the bag of holding from it or if it can be washed or whether it'll just soak up all the soap and water and making washing impossible. ]
Alright, alright, you pass~ For the rest of you guys-- [ To the guards, as he places both hands on Yuya's back to walk him back into the room ] If you bring food, I might think about inviting you over!!
With cinnamon... [Make it spicier.] But it's kind of warm for that.
[His gaze drops down again, losing the conversation a moment.] Uh--hey, Kano. Is that...?
[He just said Yuya has such a hard time being dirext about 'this and that'. Yuya sucks in a breath and gestures to the blood.] Is that where the demon killed you?
[ That just makes Kano wrinkle his nose, because spicier means it hurts more, especially if it's also fizzy on top of that. But he looks down where Yuya is pointing, at the stain on his shirt that largely pools at the bottom before disappearing against black pants, but the blood starts higher, near his heart. ]
Hm... It must have been, yeah! It all happened so fast, and I barely had time to react. It really was a bad idea~
[ Oh, hmm. Yuya's smile can't hide his feelings as well as Kano's can, and the smile on Kano's face drops for a moment. ]
This is the first time you've "died," isn't it? It gets easier... Aah, not that I'm saying you should make a habit of it!
[ But it's hard the first time. For Kano, facing death time after time, to the point that he sought it out, it gets easier and that's no good at all. ]
If you're scared, that's good. That way, you'd make sure you'll never be that sorta situation again.
[That's not even remotely reassuring. Yuya ducks his head, absently rubbing his arm.] I didn't just... I was racing Nana in the halls. I didn't know there was a daemon, or--and he just grabbed me too quickly so I couldn't...
[He covers his mouth, taking a deep breath. Even thinking about it still shakes him. He hadn't had any expectations there was danger. It was a normal day. It was supposed to be safe.]
[ ...He wants to ask if Yuya at least died happy, caught up in the excitement of the race and being there with his best friend in his last moments. But it couldn't have been an instantaneous death, and it couldn't have been painless, remembering how it was for himself when he'd set his bloodied hands on the sigil and the room became engulfed in darkness. He remembers Yuya crying back then too, distraught at having died and back then, Kano had looked away out of guilt and focused more on getting Yuya out of there, as if that would make up for it. ]
It doesn't make you weak, or a failure, or any of that, you know... The regrets you have, it's good to have them because it means you're still alive to have them, right? ...Would you feel better if you cried?
[ He is very bad at this comforting thing, but crying makes him feel better, so ??? ]
[He's kind of bad, but the genuine poor attempt makes Yuya laugh--which results in tears, because of course it does, but he wipes them away quickly.]
I-I'll probably cry about it again, until it stops... I can stop thinking about it so much. It's not the first time I've--almost died.
[It just blindsided him more, hurt worse when he had to watch Nana fight for her life while he was losing his. He thought that night was the worse thing he'd ever feel, but he was so wrong.]
[ He's trying. But the fact that Yuya can still cry is a good thing. For as much as Kano cries, in secret when he can, sometimes he can't really feel it anymore. He tries not to think about all those past time, never processed it because if he can't remember then there's nothing to process, but even he knows that talking about it can bring some sort of relief.
... I don't know. [Yuya shrugs a shoulder as he sniffs.] I never really remember my dreams, or... I get nightmares almost every night. I always have, so maybe I just never learned to remember my dreams because of that.
[He rubs his shoulder.] But I remember it. It was... really hard to think about at first. They brought a therapist to the hospital, and I had one when I first came to Daybreak so I could work through it.
I hid the scars, too. [He reaches gently for Kano's hand, to rest his thumb over the marks on it.] Because I didn't want people to ask.
[ Nightmares... are a familiar thing to Kano too, who suffers through them and had decided that the way to deal with them is to not sleep at all at night, to get by through cat naps scattered throughout the day so he never really gets to REM sleep and staves off nightmares that way. It works. But it's also not recommended, so he looks back down at his hand, Yuya's resting over it, a small frown working its way onto his face.
In his case, he hid his scars not because he was ashamed about the way they looked, or thought people would pity him or be disgusted by them, but what Yuya says hits a little closer. He didn't want people to ask. Not because talking would dredge up bad memories, but because people are always looking to jump at who to blame, like how Yuya immediately wanted to fight whatever daemon Kano had made a Contract with, when he first found out. The person who caused all his hurt, who left all these scars, that's who he doesn't want to talk about, to bring blame to. ]
We don't have to talk about it, [ he mumbles, because he would feel obligated to talk about himself too, then, and he's exhausted. ] but I'm glad you were able to, before. A therapist... Did it help any?
I know. [He smiles faintly.] It's not that I don't trust you, but... I didn't want to tell someone and hear what they'd think about him if they knew. You understand, right?
[It's exactly that blame, even though Yuya thinks Kano's mother deserves it and Gongenzaka doesn't. It doesn't change that Kano still loved her, wouldn't hear her called a monster or anything else despite witnessing what she'd done.]
Therapy helped. I'd never felt anything like that before, and she was really nice and helped me understand it. She'd play with me, too, between physical therapy.
[And that helped keep his mind off the fragility of his body when he was recovering from months of being bedbound, of hearing doctors whisper to his mother that the nerve damage might be irreparable, that he might be paralyzed. Like he couldn't hear them. She was really nice, and for a moment he wonders if he should let her know how he's doing now.]
[ Aah, so Yuya's silence is to protect a person, like Kano had thought. If it had been a daemon, or an accident, there would be no reason to hide it. But he hadn't thought it was that bad, to need physical therapy too. And- Yuya must have been much younger, if the therapist had also been a playmate. ]
I said we don't have to talk about it, but I'm really curious now?? I'll keep all my opinions to myself, my lips are sealed!
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And the entrance fee?
[ Where's his food, Yuya? He hasn't eaten in two or three days, it's hard to keep track of time. ]
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And then offers a half-crushed mint.]
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[ Kano accepts the mint and sticks it in his pocket-- which is another reason why Yuya can't just take it and wash it, he's not really sure he should unsew the bag of holding from it or if it can be washed or whether it'll just soak up all the soap and water and making washing impossible. ]
Alright, alright, you pass~ For the rest of you guys-- [ To the guards, as he places both hands on Yuya's back to walk him back into the room ] If you bring food, I might think about inviting you over!!
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I can't believe your drink of choice is Seven-Up. We might have to break up.
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[ He hasn't had apple juice in years. He's not really sure what it tastes like. ]
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[ Is a soda? But he doesn't like apple cider, or most sodas either. They're fizzy and hurt your throat, why would anybody drink them voluntarily?? ]
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[His gaze drops down again, losing the conversation a moment.] Uh--hey, Kano. Is that...?
[He just said Yuya has such a hard time being dirext about 'this and that'. Yuya sucks in a breath and gestures to the blood.] Is that where the demon killed you?
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Hm... It must have been, yeah! It all happened so fast, and I barely had time to react. It really was a bad idea~
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Yeah. [His voice cracks, but he holds a smile as he closes his eyes.] Guess we're going to have matching scars.
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This is the first time you've "died," isn't it? It gets easier... Aah, not that I'm saying you should make a habit of it!
[ But it's hard the first time. For Kano, facing death time after time, to the point that he sought it out, it gets easier and that's no good at all. ]
If you're scared, that's good. That way, you'd make sure you'll never be that sorta situation again.
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[He covers his mouth, taking a deep breath. Even thinking about it still shakes him. He hadn't had any expectations there was danger. It was a normal day. It was supposed to be safe.]
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It doesn't make you weak, or a failure, or any of that, you know... The regrets you have, it's good to have them because it means you're still alive to have them, right? ...Would you feel better if you cried?
[ He is very bad at this comforting thing, but crying makes him feel better, so ??? ]
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I-I'll probably cry about it again, until it stops... I can stop thinking about it so much. It's not the first time I've--almost died.
[It just blindsided him more, hurt worse when he had to watch Nana fight for her life while he was losing his. He thought that night was the worse thing he'd ever feel, but he was so wrong.]
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He looks down at the ground. Back up at Yuya. ]
Do you dream about it, sometimes?
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[He rubs his shoulder.] But I remember it. It was... really hard to think about at first. They brought a therapist to the hospital, and I had one when I first came to Daybreak so I could work through it.
I hid the scars, too. [He reaches gently for Kano's hand, to rest his thumb over the marks on it.] Because I didn't want people to ask.
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In his case, he hid his scars not because he was ashamed about the way they looked, or thought people would pity him or be disgusted by them, but what Yuya says hits a little closer. He didn't want people to ask. Not because talking would dredge up bad memories, but because people are always looking to jump at who to blame, like how Yuya immediately wanted to fight whatever daemon Kano had made a Contract with, when he first found out. The person who caused all his hurt, who left all these scars, that's who he doesn't want to talk about, to bring blame to. ]
We don't have to talk about it, [ he mumbles, because he would feel obligated to talk about himself too, then, and he's exhausted. ] but I'm glad you were able to, before. A therapist... Did it help any?
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[It's exactly that blame, even though Yuya thinks Kano's mother deserves it and Gongenzaka doesn't. It doesn't change that Kano still loved her, wouldn't hear her called a monster or anything else despite witnessing what she'd done.]
Therapy helped. I'd never felt anything like that before, and she was really nice and helped me understand it. She'd play with me, too, between physical therapy.
[And that helped keep his mind off the fragility of his body when he was recovering from months of being bedbound, of hearing doctors whisper to his mother that the nerve damage might be irreparable, that he might be paralyzed. Like he couldn't hear them. She was really nice, and for a moment he wonders if he should let her know how he's doing now.]
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I said we don't have to talk about it, but I'm really curious now?? I'll keep all my opinions to myself, my lips are sealed!
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Uh, it's under my shirt. Do you... want to see them?
[He knows it sounds bad. It was bad, and it's going to look bad but. He won't hide it, he decides.]
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